Monday Morning

Its Monday morning again. I really do not want to be at work, but I have to be. This weekend just clarified things more for me. Troy and I are not going to make it. I really thought that he was the one for me, that it was meant to be. His mom is sisters with my best friends mom. But it cant be. Why would I feel so hurt all the time.

He tells me he loves me but I really dont feel it. His actions tell a different story. Last night at 3 in the morning, he comes into the bedroom, he played video games until then, even though he had to work in the morning, he does this all the time. I told him to sleep on the couch, if he was going to be up all night because I knew that he would do this. I cannot be woken up at 3. I went to bed at 11:30 and he said no im coming in now. But no he comes in at 3 and wakes me up. I couldnt get back to sleep so I got up to have a smoke. I come back inthe room and hes already alseep. I just lied there for over an hour, realizing that I cannot do this anymore. I knew in the morning he wouldnt get up for work,and I was right, once again. He had to call in and say he was going to be late. Who knows if he even went.

He finally finds a good job, and he is starting to blow it already. I have been through this too many times to do it again. Will he ever grow up?

On another note my best friend told me shes going to meet me in PEI and drive to Newfoundland with me. I cannot wait to catch up with her. Her and her boyfriend, whom she was with for like 3 years, just broke up so. They just spent a year apart because he had to go to the States for school. So lately we have been talking alot more. ITs hard for me to tell her anything though because Troy is her first cousin. I hate even writing things here, but it sort of helps me.